


It Gets Better by Daves (Be)

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Charlie's Angels as alien clown ninja secret police, Fluff, M/M, Vaguely neglectful Bro, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider, mutant-blooded general of the Resistance against the Condesce, decides to make an It Gets Better video with his matesprit. It doesn't turn out quite as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Gets Better by Daves (Be)

Tavros sits in a pile of unbelievably shitty swords with you, his four-wheeled device a few feet away in case his legs cop out, which they do pretty regularly. (If someone raids the hive, you're about 95% confident you can pick him up and fly away in sufficient time to avoid any major attacks even in this awkward position.) He grins nervously, jumbled teeth pointing every which way.  
uHH, sO, aRE YOU GOING TO, sAY A SPEECH TO THE CAMERA, oR,  
yeah tav like i said im just gonna be talking for a couple of minutes  
then well post it on the intranet and hope it propagates on the interplanetary without attracting lalondes attention  
He bites his lip (you've discovered that his lips are extremely tough due to this habit, almost leathery) and speaks very quietly.  
aND, iF SHE DOES FIND OUT? wHAT HAPPENS IF EVERYTHING GOES, wRONG, aND A TEAM OF lAUGHSASSINS BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR?  
we run like hell i guess  
i, dON'T LIKE THIS PLAN, dAVE,  
He looks worried. You think of the pity that drove you to this matespritship, and you want to wrap him in wings you don't have to protect him from threats you can't protect him from.  
its gonna be fine tav dont worry  
ill just make the video then well leave this hive and live in the mountains for a while  
youll see  
You take off your tinted ocular frames, revealing your mutant red-tinted iris.  
i really want to do this tavros  
wrigglers need to know this stuff  
and im probably the best person to be telling them  
He puts on a brave face and you think about how damned adorable he is. Like a larval meowbeast reincarnated into a troll's body, with dimples and horns too big for his head and shoddy metal legs that your caretaker made for him when you carried his broken body home in a panic on the worst day of your life.  
aLRIGHT,  
lET'S DO THIS,  
hell yeah  
He pushes himself off of the pile (blades bend and snap rather than piercing his skin; the swords really are unbelievably shitty) and walks unsteadily behind the Sagini-brand recording device. He tentatively pokes the "Record"; button, then flinches away from it as though it's going to bite him. It doesn't; it beeps and says in a neutral, robotic tone, "Video recording mode activated."  
You take a deep breath and start your speech. You forget to put your shades back on.

hello confused populace  
female caste  
male caste  
pupae  
i am dave strider  
the political-leader-cum-general of the revolution against her imperial fishiness  
any donations to la resistance may be donated to me or any of my associates  
Tavros motions at you to stop distracting yourself. You take the hint.  
so anyway being the resistance leader you can probably imagine that ive got some personal reasons to dislike the empire and the caste system  
well my main reason is that im a mutant  
whoop-de-doo big fucking surprise i mean my hair is the color of my filthy mutant blood  
albinism kinda sucks  
Tavros signs at you that he actually thinks it's really nice that your hair is so unique. You smile, forgetting for a moment that you're on camera. Then you put your face back into its usual poker-face deadpan and continue.  
so anyway i had some problems  
youve all heard about that karkat guy who claims his ancestor was the sufferer  
although most people dont know who the sufferer is  
hes telling the truth about that  
hes actually the messiah  
and he has the exact same mutation as me  
this candy-apple soup in his vascular tubes  
but there were accommodations made for him  
a lusus was raised to accept him  
he was taken out of the cavern wrapped in a cloth to hide his color  
taken to a valley full of his devotees to live in  
he had it pretty good honestly  
i dont begrudge him that  
but my designated lusus  
he was a featherbeast  
a blackfeather i think  
he tried to get me out and  
he just couldnt hide the hair  
You feel hollow. You look it too, judging by the wibbly expression on Tavros' face.  
the guards culled him  
they would have got me but i dropped and crawled into a rock niche  
and i probably would have died  
starved or got squished or something  
but there was a jadeblood there who wasnt a complete evil fuck  
he said his name was bro but pretty much all i know about him is that thats not true  
he found me and abandoned his post  
dont ask me how a male-caste got a job as cavern guard cause he never told me  
he took me down to the sufferers valley and he never told me how he knew where that was either come to think of it  
A shrug at your keeper's secretive ways. You never really minded it at the time.  
he raised me from a squishy little grub into a slightly less squishy little wriggler in that valley  
we griefed every day for training purposes and he didnt hold back  
i learned my way around a sword  
made friends with the vantas kid or as close to friends as he ever really has  
but once i was about three sweeps bro took me up into the mountains  
he just wasnt comfortable around people after living in the caves so long  
guess he thought the isolation might help his mental state  
it didnt help mine  
i still visited karkat a lot but i didnt really talk to anyone else  
and bro didnt really feel any better up there  
in fact he ended up getting worse  
hed just fly into a rage or go into a laughing fit or start crying for no reason  
i think he was probably really shaken by leaving the mother grub and raising a kid  
its not easy for a blood-designated worker to go against the grain like that  
it was hard to deal with sometimes  
i mean i could deal  
but it wasnt fun  
but then i met my current matesprit  
who wishes to remain anonymous despite already having a bounty on his head that could support the economy of a small planet for a year  
anyway i lived a couple of miles away from the plains where he was  
i met him when i was out flying on a giant blackfeatherbeast  
always had a knack with them  
i looked down and i saw him charging at a target dummy on a purple fiduspawn  
iT WAS, uH, hORSARONI, Tavros interjects from outside the frame. Apparently he's feeling a little bit bolder. Enough to let his voice be heard, at least.  
and not a fuck was given that day  
anyway i thought  
“here is a wriggler who needs my guidance in being less of a complete loser”  
“it will be a difficult task” i thought “but he is truly one in need”  
and so i descended from the sky atop my mighty skybeast  
sCARING ME, uH, tO DEATH, bY THE WAY,  
yes because you always were and forever shall remain a total pussy  
this is news to maybe a single alien tribe off in the furthest reaches of the universe  
The words have no heat. You're fond of his lack of spine (in the figurative sense, naturally, you could really do without the literal aspect); it makes him so easy to pity. Along with his other thoroughly pitiable attributes.  
i landed and he gaped at me so much that he almost fell off his tentahorse  
well actually he did fall  
i REALIZED LATER THAT i HAD, bROKEN MY ANKLE,  
qUITE BADLY ACTUALLY,  
bUT i DIDN'T NOTICE, bECAUSE YOU WERE, vERY DISTRACTING,  
yes yes  
we started talking about random shit  
like his crippling fiduspawn addiction  
hEY,  
dont even try to say that shit wasnt addiction  
you had watched the animes  
the animes dude  
He concedes the point, rolling his eyes and grinning.  
when we were done talking it was actually almost daybreak  
so i hauled nook back to the cave  
bro was pretty pissed off but i just ignored him  
cause he was always kind of manic by that point anyway  
he just sort of ranted and paced around the cave for a while  
but the next night i visited again  
after a series of weird-ass circumstances we became sort-of-friends  
we shared our respective life stories after a while  
i didnt really know why i was doing it at the time cause its pretty damn stupid to inform somebody that youre a mutant and reveal your emotional weakpoints at the same time  
especially if youve just met them  
what i didnt realize was that i already pitied him so much that even thinking of him as a potential threat was ridiculous  
even though he was actually pretty damn strong as i found out in an amusing story which i will not relate here  
after a while i figured out how my pity ducts worked and realized that he was my true matesprit  
and i asked him  
and he said yes because he is a sap  
He starts sniffling, because as you have mentioned he is a sap.  
so basically my message here is  
even if you are a mutant who has no lusus or hive  
Tavros gathers up his courage as much as he possibly can. He steps into the frame and sits next to you, hugging you close.  
eVEN IF, yOU ARE A CRIPPLED LOWBLOOD, wHO WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY bE, cULLED,  
it gets better  
iT GETS, sO MUCH-  
Suddenly the door explodes into splinters and three slim and deadly-looking female trolls come through. They're wearing white bodysuits from horn to toe, with slits for their eyes and a circle of red fabric in the center of the face. They pose as a team for a brief moment, then fan out. You move, flashstep-quick, to grab Tavros and fly away, but they're faster.  
One of them points at you with some kind of wand, not the unbelievably shitty kind but one that looks like a real item of power, and you feel your muscles freeze into their awkward position an inch away from your matesprit. He springs to his metal feet, but his steps are awkward and unsteady from the battered hydraulics in his legs, and when a second attacker sweeps them from under him he clatters to the floor and stays there.  
The final agent offers the other two high-fives. When neither takes the offer, she huffs petulantly. Concentrating, she makes a couple of mystical gestures in the air and a mystical fenestration appears. Rose Lalonde, Jestrix Imperial, smirks down at you and Tavros through steepled fingers.  
"Good evening, angels."

**Author's Note:**

> After that they died. Obviously.


End file.
